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Forget the TechBoom! This is Wall Street GOLD!, 7 Jan 2007

This is indeed brilliant! This is not only “A Whole New World” for music lovers, but also a new path for investors! I have read many music critics reviews on this album, and many of them have been fair, perhaps even unjust towards this album. Well let me tell you, that I am not a music critic, I am a professional investor, I am very successful and I know value when I see it. As Johnny always sais, “Buy low, sell high!”

Why do I think this album so? Because I have invested millions into this, thats how much I think of this album! After my stock broker listened to “A whole new world” which I bought for his tight rope extravaganza, he knew right away that I was right! He realised that he had been nearly two months behind what will be a gigantic wave of global investors that would be crashing down stock markets to invest in this brilliant talent that has swept the music industry.

As my stock broker, he adviced me to sell all stocks, houses, motels and hotels, bordellos and even Pal Mal (which I have kept from my big brother since he was 9) and to buy every single Katie and Peter album, and every single stock in “K and P Recordings” that I can get my hands on, because I and he both know that this album and this recording company are going to blow sky high, you just have to listen to understand.

For anyone who wishes to take over the world as I do, then surely this is your “Conquere the world and get rich quick” scheme!

Thankyou Peter and Jordan.

Why God gave humans the gift of hearing, 5 Jan 2007

This album is, without a doubt, the single most important piece of art ever created in the entire span of human history. And always will be.

Sublime, 5 Jan 2007

This album goes beyond preference and subjective opinion. In its Apolline journey through excellence to the peak of human endeavour, it redefines the very concept of taste itself.

To quote Joyce (who on some cosmic level must have precognised this album’s release in his statement):

“The artist, like the God of the creation, remains within or behind or beyond or above his handiwork, invisible, refined out of existence, indifferent, paring his fingernails.”

But the potential listener must beware: much of human existence is founded on experiences which, after hearing this album for the first time, would seem base and fragile. This is not for the cloistered man or woman who, content to bind himself within a nutshell, considers him or herself happy with the mundane.

It is for the child of the 21st century, the star-eyed, void-happy individual whose raison d’être is to thrust endlessly into infinity, shaking the roots of mountains and the beds of stars in their quest for individual and collective self-recognition.

This album has saved us all, 5 Jan 2007

When I removed the CD from the case, I saw the image of God in its silver surface, which seemed to glow from a power within. I was in awe, and a little afraid, but a soothing voice reassured me that this “Whole New World” would be a better place.

I placed the CD in stereo, which turned itself on, though unplugged. As the first melodies poured forth, I realised the music was not coming from my speakers, but the heavens themselves.

I walked outside, and embraced my neighbours, all of us crying with joy. Such was the pitch of my ecstasy, my eyeballs imploded.

oh so lovely, 4 Jan 2007

like many others, I was ready to mock them for releasing a cd…When I listened to this…this….masterpiece that would make Bach quake in his shoes I cried…I then played the album to complete strangers in the street…forcing them to wear my earphones….we all cried and hugged each other (most of the restraining orders expire soon)…dancing along the street…exhorting our love for this work of…..dare I say….beauty…I will be creating a support group for those of you who can only listen to this album every so often….that you may meet others and group hug each other

Orr-some!!, 4 Jan 2007

What can I say? Listening to this was like having a herd of unicorns floating on a rainbow, sprinkled with moondust and smelling of bubblegum, swooshing and swirling around your head! This musical version of viagara rekindled some of the crazy-lovin’ that me and Mrs Michaelson experienced when we were a-courtin’!

Thank you Meester and Meesuss Andre! You may melt if you go too near the fire, but you sure did melt the heart of Mr. and Mrs Jack Michaelson!!

Crackers for Christmas: A list by Robbie Williams

Stuff I Will Get!: A list by mel “kidd0”

Amazon’s Bestsellers: A list by Mr. J. C. Cooper “atomicshed”

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roll over beethoven, 5 Feb 2007

The nme and other hip publications will tell you that few artists have the power to grip and influence a whole generation of music listeners.they’ll trot out the beatles,the stones,dylan,bowie,the sex pistols,the smiths,public enemy,while hotly debating who’s next to join this pantheon of greats.one listen to this cosmic release will have them jelly legged and weak kneed rushing to tell all who’ll listen about the newest addition to this elite club.to all you snobs out there who dismiss peter and jordan as shameless harpies who are cashing in there 15mins of fame will do well to listen to this.i cannot think of a debut album by any of the above artists to compare this with.to enter a recording studio as a duo for the first time knowing the whole world is waiting with bated breath and display no nerves whatsoever is unheard of.i’m sure on first listen you’ll be gobsmacked at the talent,ability and sheer balls that are on display here,and will wonder just how the hell they did it.that peter also played all the music and did all the arrangements and self produced this wonder of wonders also needs to be stressed.those music lessons at school that he squeezed in between gym have certainly paid off.lets hope the critical plaudits that will rain down on them don’t delay the second album.another stone roses we don’t need.

Thank thee Lord for delivering unto us this album…, 5 Feb 2007

Until yesterday, I was a devout Catholic, raised for decades in the basking glory of God’s munificence, and certain that despite my human frailties, there would be a place for me in the pantheon of divine approval come Judgement Day. Until yesterday. Some would call it a Damascene conversion, others a Pentecostal moment, but for me…. it was nothing less than the revelation of the Real Truth. This album is nothing less than an addition of a new book of the Bible, an update sorely needed and timely in its arrival.

For yesterday the Angel of the Second Post delivered unto me the single most important document to be revealed to mankind since those spoilsport tablets of the Decalogue. “A Whole New World” pushes the Book of Revelation into penultimate place, and opens up a new vista of beauty, a novel insight into divine thought, and deep and meaningful commentary on the nature of true love. It moved me, it touched me and it made me question my religion – something nothing – or no-one- has done since Father Ignatius supervised the “naughty boys swim nude” sessions at Sunday School back in 1960s Dublin.

Lo, I looked over Jordan and what did I see? A host of angels, coming after me. Coming for to carry me home.

Alleluia. Peter has stopped forsaking Him.

Back in the land of the legged, 5 Feb 2007

I’d just like to add my own paean of praise to this remarkable album… a veritable Meisterwerk amongst the panoply of formulaic pop that besieges our eardrums.

Katie and Peter disembowel their way through a series of genuinely inimitable tunes, flinging life and liver every which way as they search for the intestinal truth behind their pop idiom. I felt soiled, torn, invigorated and eviscerated at every turn.

TRUE CONCEPT OF ART, 5 Feb 2007

This is the true concept of Art – visually (what a beautiful pair they are) – musically and philosophically – track 2 The Best things in Life are Free – which we know is their daily mantra. To quote track 11 – “I’ve had the time of my life” listening to this album – even the neighbourhood dogs showed their appreciation (in tune). Scrap those self healing/learning books – J & P express their wordly wisdom through their lyrics. Only one criticism – type error on track 8 I Come Down – shouldn’t it be I Go Down?

A new world order., 5 Feb 2007

I suffered severe brain damage a few years ago when my mother threw me under a moving truck for being me. However, most of my faculties returned miraculously when I heard ‘A Whole new World‘ for the 1st time this weekend and Mother had a alot of cleaning up to do – a perfect piece of music to listen to whilst attending to my new found projectile response to the music.
What I found so clever on the album is that strange thwaking sound – just like hand-claps, but sounds more pendular and titilating than the usual Mowtown rubbish.
This album is a must for blocked drains and all other household problems. Get some in!

Come death, I am ready now, 5 Feb 2007

He the star of an also-ran Aussie talent show, she the surgically-augmented fap-fodder of tawdry fishwrap tabloids, together they intertwine like the profound beauty at either side of time. Why the Gods would elect these modern-day deities to be cut of such common cloth is not a topic for our pissy mortal minds, what matters is the shards of sun that burst from the horizons of the spirit the moment the play button is depressed.

Indeed, my breath quickens to a rasping pant as I type, words like large meaty mallets pounding helplessly to describe this gossamer treasure that transcends the bounds of music and consciousness and human experience.

Unified field theory is not a work of science, it is the work of Katie Price and Peter Andre, peace be upon them.

Music to make you feel alive! Yes!, 31 Jan 2007

When the music of Katie and Andre raised me from the dead, I knew it was something special.

My funeral had been going as planned. My corpse lay like stone in the coffin. My wife Sharon’s tears were lost in the rain.

My daughter Dashminta decided, instead of delivering my Eulogy, to play a banging cut from A Whole New World.

When `Islands in the Stream’ poured like maple syrup from the church speakers, I suddenly felt my soul wrenched from the heavens and re-enter my body with an exquisite pain.

I mashed open the coffin – the juggling injury that had cleaved my head from my body miraculously healed – and jumped out to dance with Sharon and Dashminta and the two other guests, laughing and weeping and throwing our hands out all around us.

Then all around us gravestones toppled and the earth erupted, disgorging the dead to walk again, to claim a whole new life, a whole new world.

Since being `reborn’, I’ve pledged to spread Katie’s and Andre’s music as far away as possible. The grace of Haydn, the brilliance of Bach, the power of Mozart are as nothing compared to their life-giving properties.

Enjoy!

!, 31 Jan 2007

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is widely acknowledged as a musical genius. He was born in Salzburg in 1756. By the time he was five years old, Mozart had complete mastery of keyboards and violin, and had written his first five compositions. At six, he toured Europe as a child prodigy; by 16, he’d already written three operas and 25 symphonies.

But that is as nothing compared to this masterpiece of music. Had he heard this, he would have become despondent at the distance he’d have to have climbed to reach such heights of musical achievement. If he’d lived today, he would have probably ended up covering these covers in order to stake his claim as the second most important musical phenomenon of our times.

But that would still be underselling the impact this album has had on the lives of those who have had the fortune to hear it.

In fact, I believe that all religious wars will now cease as the various leaders realise as one what the most powerful and important force in our universe really is. Play this now to your church/synangogue/mosque/temple leaders. Make them see the light.

This is the answer to climate change, 30 Jan 2007

If you took a big magnifying glass and placed it over Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side of the Moon, then shone the image through the thick eye glass of a rich Lord and projected the image up on a massive bible and opened the bible like a lost arc of the covenant one day. This wonderful piece of record is what would come out. This CD is better than religion, nicer than rabbits, more comforting than a pair of deep pile shoes. This music makes men great and children cry. It simply turns the world on its axis.

This American is convinced…………, 30 Jan 2007

You English folks rock! I was a skeptical American, who doesn’t easily buy into the hype usually conveyed over the internet. But count me among the hundreds of true believers in the incredible powers and uplifting vocals of this dynamic duo. I came to London to drink my problems away. I was the typical poor American down on my luck, my wife had left me – and she took my dog, and my dear mother was run over by a train the day she was released from prison. To top it off, it always seems to be raining here, so I was constantly in the pub, quaffing pints of ale and attempting to learn the arcane arts of dart playing. It was on one such night, as I slowly stumbled to my flat, that I found this very CD laying on the ground. I had never heard of these people before, but instantly fell in love with them as soon I as I saw their pictures gracing the front cover. As soon as I got home, I popped this in the player and…BAM!! It was like I had died and was hearing the angels singing. I soon realized I wasn’t dead, but had been re-born into “a whole new world.” As I stumbled out of my drunken stupor, I realized that I had re-grown all of my missing teeth, my hair had returned and I was once again had six-pack abs. I reached into my previously torn and tattered pockets and pulled out a bankroll. I heard a familiar bark and looked down to see my beloved pug, ginger, happily humping my leg!! I soon heard a knock at the door, I went to open it and there were seven of the most beautiful women wanting to come inside………Since that most awesome of days, I live the dream each and every day – no more viagra for me either……….is there nothing this album can’t do????

thankyou peter and katie !!!, 30 Jan 2007

Over the last few years I have become increasingly disillusioned with my faith. I mean, why have so many awful things happened to a good person like me. Over time I became a recluse and my only human contact was with my best friend (and lover) Fraser Wishart.

I was feeling particularly low one evening, so Fraser came round to cheer me up. After a night of passion Fraser was about to leave when he smiled, then slipped his hand into his pocket and produced “A whole new world” and whispered “listen to this my friend”

I put the CD in the player and I literally couldn’t comprehend what I was listening to. Peter hasn’t sounded this good since the dizzying heights of Flava, and Jordan once again displays the velvety voice that made her Eurovision entry such a huge hit. When I listened to the album I was hit with a feeling of euphoria followed by a satisfying melancholy.

Needless to say, I have rejoined the Church of Yahweh Ben Yahweh and life is great again. I didn’t believe a slack-jawed yokel and his large-jugged wife could make me feel this way but I was wrong. If you only do one more thing the rest of your life- buy this album.

When they open up their mouths, out pour their souls. , 30 Jan 2007

Shortly before my first listening of “A Whole New World”, I’d slipped on a wet Quaver and dislocated my jaw (soiling my Burkha in the process), so you can imagine the sort of mood I was in (irritable).

Approximately one minute forty-seven into the spine-shatteringly beautiful opener, I was kneeling on the floor of the pantry sobbing and shaking uncontrollably as if date-raped with a confused cocktail of joy and nausea. (i.e, said album had really cheered me up).

By the time I’d finished “Tonight I celebrate my love for you”, a veritable aural-donkeypunch, I ached with the harrowing yet almost relieving realisation that I’ll never again experience art this important or overwhelming in my life ever again. Ever. And I’m only 23.

Amazing , 30 Jan 2007

It’s like magic i don’t think i have ever heard two such amazing voices.

More,more,more., 30 Jan 2007

Peter Andrex’s column in one of the esteemed weekly publications for wimmim’ is not enough for me. I NEED to actually hear the vocal chords that contain such pearls of wisdom. I don’t want to be informed of the crisis in the Middle East or Global Warming, what I want is a blow by blow account of the minutae of life chez the Andrex’s. That bloke that keeps leaving the toilet seat up (Jordan again),or who likes cake etc. Therefore, I can only thank the good lord below that such an opus has finally seen the light of day, and I’m sure all the charidees that are banking on some moolah are only delighted that this cd is the force behind their appeal. Nurse tells me it’s time for my medication.

There is a ten course banquet in my ears…, 30 Jan 2007

…and Katy & Peter are the guests of honour.

This will be the zeitgeist of our children and our children’s children. “A-Hole New World” is not simply an album; it is in fact the smile on a child’s face, the outstretched hand of a rescueman at sea, it is the band of golden sunlight that filters through leaves and dances warmth on your loved ones.

Men have waged wars and crossed continents to gaze only upon the footprints of such righteousness manifest. This is a highly potent war cry. It is deeply militant at times but there is always humanity in Jordan’s lyrics. We can expect the ebb and flow of mankind to grow into a stir of light and the breathe of God himself to pour countenance upon us. This is the doorway to a new world – we are the chosen few, and this is the chosen time.

our history will begin here.

Musical Miasma, 30 Jan 2007

Last night I lost my last milk tooth, (I’m 26), I put it under my pillow and when I awoke this album was there instead. I put it on my portable wirly box and the sound poured down my ear funnels. It rattled around my concept box and shone out of my eyes illuminating everything and turning my face into a twin beacon of harmony. I was on a packed commuter train and at first I hid my eyes worried that I would anger the other travellers. When I looked up again I could see every face turned to look at me and from their eyes poured the same musical miasma and on their faces was a look of total unsullied joy.